You Take Away My Pain, You Hold My Heart Together
by Blue Basium
Summary: It hurts to see you everyday and know that I can never hold you again, it hurts when I breathe, it hurts to talk, it hurts to live without you.


_Emmy gave me the idea for this. I took it, and I ran with it. Ran wild you could say.. Enjoy  
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_Disclaimer: Not mine. Seriously...._

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The wind blew tossing her red hair in all directions. The sky was dull and lifeless, mirroring how she felt. The clouds were forming together and starting to look rather heavy and fit to burst. But then again when did they ever not look like that.

She sighed.

She needed to get this over with.

But something was stopping her.

Why had she waited this long to do it. Inside, deep down inside, locked away deep in her heart, she knew exactly why. But she couldn't admit it. Because it hurt too much. It made her feel so stupid and hopeless, and alone.

All alone.

She hadn't been alone in such a long time. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe, because it hurt too much.

She looked down at her fingers. Forcing her eyes to focus on her ring finger. She smiled at the memory of when she first acquired the ring. It had been perfect and romantic. And he'd held her so close in his arms and promised he would never let her go.

And then, she'd ruined it. With one stupid drunken mistake she had destroyed it all. Sure, he had been absent, he hadn't been there all the time but when she needed him. When she really needed him he was always there. He had tried, they had been trying.

Trying.

It seemed like some sort of motto for their marriage. But why? And where, had it all gone wrong.

Long before she's gotten drunk and Mark had seized his opportunity to manipulate the mind of the woman he lusted after, something had been wrong, missing.

They had gotten lazy, and successful, they had forgotten the one thing that they had been working so hard for, for all those years.

They had forgotten each other.

To see each other, and listen. The love was there, it always had been and always would be.

Lusty intern or otherwise. It was there, beneath the pain. The fear. It was there it was trying so hard to get out and she couldn't breathe. She loved him so much it hurt. Her heart stopped beating the second she brought the pen to paper and signed the dotted line that signalled the end. She didn't have the strength to lie to herself anymore. It hurt too much. She was hurting and the one person who could fix it. Fix her. Mend her broken heart, was gone. They had signed away the right to care. The right to be civil remained. But that wasn't enough to fix her broken heart. No amount of tequila or no amount of other men could fill the empty void that was her heart now.

He was the only one. He was the only one for her. But he couldn't even see her anymore. She wasn't there to him.

And it hurt.

She was sick of hurting. He had moved on.

She knew he felt the pain. She knew that just like her the once full and loving heart was empty, and shallow. But somehow, he had managed to fill it. To fill it with the lust of another woman. He didn't love her. The only woman he had ever loved was leaning on the railing of the ferryboat, ignoring the rain that now fell around her. Soaking her to the bone and causing her vibrant red hair to flatten against her head.

They were like an unstoppable force, pulled together by everything. Against all odds. Nothing could keep them apart.

They were Addison and Derek.

She had stolen his heart so many years ago and he was never getting it back. He couldn't live without her. He had never realised what the pain would be like to live without her. He couldn't wake up and not have her sleeping softly by his side.

It hurt.

Every morning, every night. Every second he was without her it hurt.

He couldn't breathe. His heart beat shallow and empty. The pain was too much.

He had tried so hard to ignore it but she was not to be ignored. He tried to fill himself with Meredith but she wasn't enough. She never had been and never would.

Despite the pain, and the absentness. Despite the fact that they had shattered each other into a million pieces, they still loved each other with all they had.

She needed to move on. She had to get out of this place in her life where everything hurt.

She slipped the two rings off her finger and held them in the palm of her right hand.

She took one last deep shuddering breath and promised herself this would be the last time that never ending pain racked through her body.

She lifted her right hand up he air. Her hand balled into a fist and pulled it back with all her might.

Suddenly, she felt her arm collide with something solid.

She tried to pull away with every last ounce of strength she had, but it wasn't enough.

"Let me go!" she screamed, tears flowing down her face so fast and hard she barely felt the pouring rain.

He didn't respond. Just pulled her arm and spun her around. One look at her tear stained face made his heart brake all over again. He pulled her into his chest and held onto to her tight.

She struggled against his strong arms.

"Let me go, please, let me go." she sobbed against him trying to free herself of his arms. But they wrapped around her tight.

He felt her stop fighting him, and just cry. His heart ached for her just as his body ached to hold her again.

She pulled back and looked him in the eye.

"It hurts. It hurts so much. It hurts me so much I can't breathe." she whispered.

Derek felt tears form in his eyes. She was the only woman who had ever made him cry.

"I know Addie, I know." he managed to choke out. He brought his had up to wipe away her tears with his thumb softly.

She brought her hand up and stroked his face gently. She smiled sadly despite the never ending tears flowing down her face. A single tear made it down his cheek and she wiped it away as he had done for her.

"When does it hurt?" he asked her, leaning in close and pressing his forehead against hers.

She closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh.

"It only hurts when I breathe." she whispered softly.

"I can't make it stop." she sobbed.

He brought her close to him again running his hand up and down her back soothingly.

"I can," he whispered, "It hurts too much Addie, it hurts to see you everyday and know that I can never hold you again, it hurts when I breathe, it hurts to talk, it hurts to live without you. I can't live without you. I can't sleep without you. I can't breathe without you. We were made for each other. To be together and to love one another. We stopped seeing that. We stopped seeing each other. But I never stopped _loving _you. And I hope and I pray to whoever the hell will listen that you feel the same way," he stopped breathless, the rain beating down on their bodies causing them to draw closer to one another.

The tears running freely down both their faces now.

"I do. I feel the pain. I never don't feel it and you have no idea how much of it goes away when you say something like that to me and you hold me, and you wipe away my tears. It takes away a little of he pain," She whispered to him softly, keeping their foreheads touching, never breaking eye contact with him.

"But it doesn't take away all the pain," he finished, looking into her sparkling green eyes that were filled with so much sorrow and pain, but deep down, when he looked at her, the way only he could look at her and see her, he saw the love. It was there. Deep down, but it was there. It would always be there. But he needed to get past that pain. And he only knew one way.

He brought both his hands down to the back of her thighs beneath her long form fitting trench coat and hoisted her up into his arms. Her arms instantly wrapped around his neck and her fingers threaded through his now soaked hair. Her legs wrapping around his waist and she bent down to look at him.

"I love you Addison. Nothing will ever change that. And I'm sorry. I hate myself for making you feel this way and the only thing I want is for you to be happy. I want to take away your pain and this, this is the only way I know how."

He brought his lips to hers and kissed her softly. The rain trailing down their faces and mixing with the tears. He filled the kiss with every emotion coursing through his body. And she kissed him back just as hard and passionately.

She finally pulled away, breathless. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, slowly spreading up her body to her eyes. She locked them instantly with his piercing blue eyes.

She saw it. Right then she saw it, and she could breathe. She could breathe and it didn't hurt.

She saw the love. The love that she had tried so hard to win back, she had fought so hard for. She hadn't needed to. Just like he couldn't see it in her she hadn't seen it in him and now she did. But she had a terrible feeling that it was too late. The pain was gone but it was too late. And then the pain started to creep back into her body. She felt herself stiffen. Derek instantly sensed something was wrong. He lowered her back down to the now slippery deck of the ferry. Holding her tight, partly for fear in case she fell, partly in case she ran away. He had lost her once and he refused to let that happen again. He whispered her name softly, she could hear it. Above the pounding rain she could hear him. She could always hear him when he called her. Just like he could sense when she was near and when she needed him.

"When you do stuff like that, and when I know you mean it. That takes it all away. You, take my pain away, you and your love help me to breathe, Derek. I love you Derek, more than anyone else in the world does. But I know that the pain is coming back any minute now." she said softly, the tears still watering her eyes threatening to fall once again. "It's too late, Derek, I hate that it is, _I hate it so much_, but it's the truth and it brings the pain right back." she said the word hate so strong it felt like she was screaming at him it made him want to just wrap her in his arms and keep her safe. Safe from the pain and the fear. Just hold her. Be with her again,

"I'm _not_ letting you go again Addie. I refuse to loose you again. It broke my heart and I know that you're the only one who could ever help me fix it. _I will not let you be in that much pain over someone as stupid as me. _I am _never_ leaving you again. I am going to take away your pain. The only way I know how is loving you. I am going to love you until the day I die because I _never want to see you in this much pain ever again._ I refuse to let you go. I love you. I need you. And I know that you need me. You're so strong Addie. The strongest person I know. But nobody is strong enough to face this pain on their own. No one. Not me, not you. But together, we can do it. I believe that together we can fight it Addie. That's how strong our love is." he finished, he poured his heart out to her. It was all he could do. All he could do was love her. And hope that his love was enough to heal her broken heart. It would kill him to see her live another day like this. She had smiled, just seconds ago, and that had brought him more happiness than he would have ever dreamed, just to see that smile.

"You just said, everything, everything, that my heart feels. You are my heart. You always have been, I was born to be with you. I believe that. And I believe in my heart. I believe in you. I never want to leave you again. I know now, that I will never have to. I know that from now on. My heart belongs to you. And I don't want to have it any other way. I just want you, I just want your love, that's all I need. That's all I need to make the pain go away," she whispered as a single tear rolled down her face. He wiped it away with his thumb. Leaving his hand rest underneath her chin and tilted it up slightly to look her in the eyes.

"You have me. You always will." he told her bringing his lips to meet hers gently, reassuringly.

She broke away from his kiss and smiled up at him. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she did so. She let it out and opened her eyes again. She looked up at him and saw the love in his eyes.

"It didn't hurt," she breathed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and letting her body lean against his. He wrapped his arms around her tightly stroking her damp hair and relishing the feeling of having her so close again. He had her back. He had his Addie back. And he knew she was never going to be anywhere else. He knew he was never letting her go. He couldn't move on. He didn't need to. He had everything he ever wanted and need right there in his arms.

"I promise it will never hurt as long as you're with me. I will never let you hurt again." He promised.

"I love you Addie,"

"I love you too Derek." she said into his chest burying herself inside his coat.

In each others arms was where they belonged. They were never going to move. Love would bind them together, forever, and always. They made mistakes, they messed up. They broke each other to millions of pieces, shattering each other's heart's in the process. But only they could fix each other, only the love they held for each other was enough to live free of the pain. It was the only way they knew how to live now. It was the only way they could ever live.


End file.
